


insomnia.

by strwbrrie7



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles
Genre: Angst, Bad Ending, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Manipulation, Spoilers, it's 1 am and i'm tired, lack of proof reading, shulk needs a hug, zanza being a manipulative prick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29366172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwbrrie7/pseuds/strwbrrie7
Summary: — In which Shulk reunites and converses with a person who should no longer exist.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	insomnia.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a short fic I wrote one night. I'm still trying to work on my writing, so I apologize if this isn't the best. If you have any tips lmk!

The boy hadn't slept in days.

Carried away with his commissions and personal projects, the young swordsman found himself getting lost in thought, and disregarding the concept and existence of time.

While Shulk had always enjoyed staying in the lab, after him and his friend's journey had ended, he couldn't feel at ease in the colony anymore. His old home didn't feel the same, and the air felt suffocating and tight whenever he stepped into his old house filled with memories he couldn't bear to face– at least, not then. Therefore, he avoided the building completely, and stayed in the lab.

However, his old home wasn't the only reason he enjoyed working. When Shulk was focused on his work, he felt at ease. He had a distraction; an escape. He needn't worry about the hands of time which were wrapped tightly around his neck; the strings of fate which manipulated and played him were loose; he was no longer burdened by the chains of guilt which held him back. He was free, and gifted with a temporary feeling of comfort.

Despite his newly-found escape, he was still homs: a homs that needed rest. Despite the boy staying up countless nights studying, his euphoria was constantly held captive by his body's longing for the sweet song of slumber.

——

The delicate yet overbearing symphony of sleep slowly crept up on the boy as the soothing melody caused him to doze off slightly. The boy tried to overcome the feeling of droopiness that had just been inflected on his body, but he couldn't deny the fact that was exhausted both physically and mentally. As the lullaby of dormancy steadily consumed Shulk's body, his eyes reluctantly shut and his pencil fell out of his hand. The mechanic's body completely shut down, and before he knew it, he was sound asleep.

He was alone in his mind; he didn't have a dream, though that wasn't anything out of the ordinary. The boy felt as though he rarely experienced a dream during his slumbers, or perhaps he simply didn't remember them?

Nevertheless, his lack of dreaming was also one of the main factors that prevented Shulk from resting. Due to him rarely experiencing normal dreams, sleeping was a perfect opportunity for his mind to mess with him— in the form of nightmares.

The swordsman could recall countless nights in which he found himself jolting up in a cold sweat because of his nightmares.. some instances even from his childhood. The nightmares that would prevent the boy from falling back asleep, and would remain stuck in the back of his mind for the rest of the day.  
Whether it be his conscience taunting him for being unable to take full advantage of the powers in which the legendary sword, the Monado, had blessed him with or just your average night terror, slumber was a tune in which the visionary despised.

However, he couldn't just simply stop sleeping, and that day was a perfect example of that.

When Shulk regained consciousness, he found himself in a relatively unknown yet familiar place.

He was sitting in what appeared to be an endless sea of space. He was alone, with only the shine from the stars to guide him. He was hesitant on taking a look around, as he didn't know what would await him as he traveled deeper into the vast land of stars.  
However, he decided to let his curiosity get the best of him, and he got ready to explore. As he slowly regained enough strength in his legs to stand, he noticed something lurking in the distant.

The shadowy figure appeared to be that of a person's. Standing in a way that made them appear tall and powerful, the visionary had a bad feeling about the unknown individual.

The mysterious figure slowly approached the swordsman, and with every step Shulk couldn't help but notice how familiar the features of the being were. He.. _knew_ the person from somewhere.

As the man's expression creeped into a unsettlingly familiar smirk, the boy felt chills run down his spine as a collection of memories jabbed into his mind. He felt a stab of fear and horror in his chest that reopened his previously healed injuries of the past; a past in which he tried to forget.

Before him stood a man whose mere presence was enough to make Shulk freeze in fear and frustration. The person in which the boy swore to end, and an individual who Shulk had defeated—or so he thought.  
Even after a long and tiring battle between the people of the Bionis and their creator; after the civilization succeeded in earning their freedom, the false god stood in front of Shulk _aliv_ _e_ with a powerful and a depraved stance.

"So, we meet again," the divine being smiled disparagingly as a familiar golden glow beamed from the halos displayed behind them.

The seer tried to back away from the figure, yet he lacked the strength in his legs at the moment to do so. As the man creeped closer and closer, his smirk widened; an expression that was enough to send a series of chills down the visionary's spine.

Kneeling, the god placed a finger on Shulk's chin, lifting his head up so the two were looking directly at each other.

"You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily, did you?" Zanza belittled as he looked into the seer's blue eyes that were drowned in despair and fear.

"You didn't think that I would let a few lowly inhabitants of the world _I_ created defeat me, right?"

"Zanza, how are you.." Shulk began to question, his fear quickly turning into anger and confusion.

"Come on now," the golden god answered with a laugh; a laugh that was deep and dark, decorated with malicious undertones "you're smart enough to figure that out on your own, are you not?"

Something was wrong; there was no mistaking that the god had died during their battle. So why.. why was he able to be there, kneeling in front of Shulk unharmed?

After a brief moment of silence, the god scoffed once he realized that the young visionary truly didn't understand. He looked directly into the boy's eyes as a smile formed on the creator's face; a smile that felt hollow and lacked a sense of warmth.

"I am always with you, Shulk—I always have, and I always will," the divine being moved his hand away from the swordsman's face, and the boy's head immediately lowered as he turned his gaze towards the stars below him.

"I was with you when you were first found on Valak Mountain 15 years ago; I was with you when the mechon attacked Colony 9; I was with you when you were traveling through Prison Island in hopes of defeating me."

Shulk could feel the god's smirk growing wider with each example. While the seer already knew that Zanza was with him for all those years, he felt his shoulders tense at the implications the creator had made just then. Even after defeating the god, he still remained within him? Something didn't add up, yet Shulk couldn't shake the feeling in his gut that told him that Zanza wasn't lying.

"You know, I truly did only wish for your friendship" the god began with a sigh "I wanted to resolve things peacefully, yet you chose to defy me."

The corners of the divine being's mouth creeped into a small smile as he placed a hand on the boy's face. The swordsman looked up to see eyes that looked at him with worry and disappointment, yet Shulk couldn't help but feel uncomfortably unnatural; the god's expression seemed gentle, yet somehow his eyes still felt as if they were shooting daggers of blame.

"My offer still stands, you know," the god explained as he held out an open hand, "If you become my disciple, you won't have to suffer anymore."

"No.. never. I won't give in," the visionary replied, his voice just above a whisper "Not after what you did to my friends."

With a scoff, the god's expression shifted into one of anger and disapproval "Don't make me laugh—you only have yourself to blame for everything that has happened."

"What do you mean?" Shulk questioned, trying to hide the shakiness in his voice. His entire body was shaking and he was sweating bullets. He hadn't a clue what Zanza was going on about, and his own uncertainty was only worsening his anxiety.

"As I stated before, it was _you_ who chose to defy me. _You_ were the one who gathered all your friends together to go on a revenge quest; _you_ were the one who put their lives in danger countless times; _you_ were the one who initiated our battle, yet you still choose to blame me for your insolence?"

The golden god grabbed the seer's face with a firm grip and narrowed his eyes, "You refuse to admit to your sins, therefore you shift the blame to me? You should feel blessed that I am even willing to give you a second chance after how you blatantly betrayed me."

Shulk's reverted his eyes; he couldn't let Zanza's words get to him. The god was only trying to get in his head, that's all.

"I hope you know that other's in my position wouldn't be as forgiving," the god's voice dropped to a whisper "..perhaps even your friends wouldn't have as generous as I.”

His words felt like a stab in the chest. Shulk tried to convince himself that the god was only trying to mess with his mind, but he could still feel himself clenching his teeth as his hand reluctantly formed into a fist.

"Stop it."

"Stop what? Stop making you face the truth? You're no more of a hero than I, Shulk—you too are selfish" the god let go of the swordsman abruptly, causing the boy to fall back slightly.

"No.. I am not like you. We aren't similar at all" Shulk murmured, his eyes dark and lifeless.

"Oh really? Do you see yourself as above me: you think you're the knight in shining armor who saved the people of the Bionis?" Zanza grabbed the visionary by the collar of his shirt as he glared at him, infuriately.

He didn't respond; the boy simply looked at the god with the same blank expression. Furious, the irritable god let go of Shulk and threw him to the ground. The swordsman hit the ground with a slight thud, yet he didn't raise his head.

"You left them there to die, you left their bodies to rot so that you could live.. yet I am the evil one?"

The god laughed, "You are my vessel for a reason, Shulk, and you live only to serve me."

Gently, Zanza elevated Shulk's head with his hand so they were once again making eye contact.

The creator's blue eyes gleamed an unusual red and gold glow as he looked at the swordsman with an uncomfortably soft smile.

"You only exist for my benefit, Shulk, and have been granted the right to live in order to fulfill your role as my vessel and disciple" the god's halos began to shine brighter as he spoke "Rejoice in my presence; I have gifted you with various talents and abilities throughout your journey, yet you still see me as malicious?"

As the light completely consumed the creator, Zanza chuckled and sneered:

"You are no hero, Shulk."

And with that, the god disappeared.

——

Shulk awoke in a cold sweat.  
His breaths heavy, the mechanic's eyes darted across the room—he was in the lab. He was no longer surrounded by a sea of luminous stars, and the familiar stuffy atmosphere of the room caused the boy to sigh in relief.

His desk and workspace was a mess: papers were scattered on the floor, pencils rolled out of a tipped over cup, and his notes were sprawled across the table unorganized.

As he continued to look around the room, his eyes landed on a broken glass shard that had been thrown onto the ground. Cautiously, he picked up piece and examined it. He gazed at himself through the shard, yet the reflection he saw staring back at him didn't exactly look like his; the peculiar smile on his reflection's face didn't seem like his.

_My hair has gotten awfully long, hasn't it?_

**Author's Note:**

> Uhh I don't really know what this is, but here's Zanza being a manipulative piece of crap <3 Will I ever give Shulk a break from all this angst? Probably not, my bad.  
> Bad-ish ending AU?? I guess?? Basically the Bionis is free from Zanza's wrath but Shulk is the only party member who survives,,, so like freedom but with a price? idk it doesn't really make sense but hey it's one in the morning sooo


End file.
